Dating for 10 Years Not Married but Going to Have a Baby

• Unmarried couples who have children are becoming a national trend.
• My partner and I have chosen not to get married, though we're going to be parents.
• Plenty of celebrity couples do it all the time.
• Marriage does not guarantee a happy family.

I met my partner David on March 17, 2017, and we officially began dating in May. Our relationship can only be described as a ride that you never you want to get off of, thrilling, new, and unexpectedly addicting. We are both college graduates, and at that time we started dating I was starting graduate school at Columbia College in Chicago.

When in September, I started passing out, throwing up and having insatiable cravings. I knew it wasn't just stress — something was off.

I went to Planned Parenthood and found out that I was pregnant. I told David that night and his response was, to me, unforeseen. He was ecstatic. This is another one of those moments in our relationship that I knew that I made the right choice by falling in love with him.

Following that conversation, before telling his parents, I had to tell my sister. She responded with "Are you going to tell mom?" I come from a single parent household. It's traditional — loving, but very traditional.  My mother just wanted what was best for us. I was very nervous to tell my mother because I knew her first response would be something about "marriage."

Since I come from a single parent household, marriage is really something that terrifies me. But I am also cognizant of society's gaze when you have a child without having a husband.

Despite that, we are not planning on getting married anytime soon.

It took us a long time to finally sit down and talk about it, but we just realized it's not for us right now.

David and I love each other, we do. In our relationship, the subject of marriage has come up. But we talked about it happening down the line after I finished grad school and he finished grad school as well. We both want our first marriage to be our last marriage.

Kwynn Riley

The fact is that marriage is just not for everybody.

Marriage does not make people better parents. Moreover, marriage does not mean you are more of a responsible adult. It is something that people can choose to do. It should not be forced.

More and more people are choosing to agree with me. According to the census, the number of couples 50 and older who have chosen to live together without being married rose from 1.2 million in 2000 to 2.8 million in 2010.

Times have changed.We can all admit it: sex is great. A bunch of us are having sex — casual, committed, "50 Shades of Grey" sex, or just quickies — without being married. Why are we still shaming those who choose to have children out of wedlock when we know this to be true? Everyone has a right to choose, and some of us are choosing to be parents.

The pressure to marry is real, especially if you have a child together. But the pressure is slowly erasing as society learns that it is apart of the norm.

We are not the only couple who are not married and are parents to beautiful children.

According to a PEW research study, millennials rated being a good parent as a top priority in 2010. In fact, 52% said it was one of the most important goals in their lives, even more than a successful marriage.

Moreover, in 2015 according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 40% of births in 2015 were to unmarried mothers.

Plus, we all know a few celebrity couples that have children together who are not married. Kourtney Kardashian has had three children with ex-partner Scott Disick, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes have two daughters together, and Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn have been together since 1983, they have a son together but never tied the knot. Though they don't have a child, Oprah and Stedman have been together for decades and have no intention of being married.

There is no right way to be a parent — there is the only way that you want to do it.

You can be in a long-term relationship with someone and never get married. Yes, you can still be happy in a relationship without being married. Similarly, there are couples who are married who choose to never have kids or who choose to adopt their children. People can plan to never have kids and then suddenly have them. Happiness is your choice.

I do not believe there are perfect people, therefore, there is no perfect marriage or relationship. There is only love, that I know for sure exists. This is what we, David and I, plan to give to our son — love.

David and I plan to spend the rest of our lives together and loving our son. We both know that getting married right now, to satisfy society and family, would not make us happy. Plus financially, it really is not the best move to make.

Either way, we will welcome our son into our lives together, promise to be in his life forever with our love for each other.

Sign up here to get INSIDER's favorite stories straight to your inbox.

Dating for 10 Years Not Married but Going to Have a Baby

Source: https://www.insider.com/why-having-a-child-out-of-wedlock-2018-1

Share this post